What happens if you don’t have lips?

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Gemma JohnsonI used to be a real day dreamer, zoning out whenever I could, dreaming about creating my future… All in my head. One thing I hadn’t factored in whilst daydreaming about what my kids might look and sound like was how I wanted my mornings to start.

It is usually chaos on school mornings but this morning was off the scale. Here’s an outline of what happens before I even attempt to think about running for the train to get into London.

Husband woke at 6am. Afro Baby (AB) wakes next to me and demands to do a poo in the loo – Yay! But no, yay! Turns out she’s just testing me.  AB back to bed, Spaghetti Legs (SL) climbs in and two bottles of warm milk delivered to babes in bed.

Bath demanded by AB & SL. Fights break out over Mr & Mrs Potato Head as there is only one set of eyes. I have to rummage around up and down the stairs to find more eyes. Found. Phew!

Out of the bath, dried and dressed. Downstairs to play. AB demands a squeezy fruit pouch, SL wants one too and spills it down his clean white school polo shirt. Off with the shirt and on with a new one.

Cheese on toast makes SL squeal, “Eeerrrrggggh! Don’t like it”, which makes AB copy him. Round two: Cocoa Pops.

SL’s lunchbox made – AB gets her little mitts on it and tips everything out on the floor. I repack and put lunchbox up high.

SL plays with Playmobile farm and asks, “Why don’t boy cows have a winky?” I say, “They do have a winky.” He shows me and he’s right, no winky… I focus on the mummy cow and say, “Look at the udders, this is where milk comes from”. SL seems happy with the explanation and continues to play.

Kids in car. Mummy in car. SL wants the cows, I say no. He starts to throw a tantrum, I give in as it’s a long drive to school on an icy morning and I need to concentrate. I go to get them, come back with cows and strap the TrayKit to the car headrest so he can play.

Stuck at country lane. Road works, traffic lights…  And SL asks, “Mummy, what would happen if we didn’t have lips?” I daydream about what you would look like with no lips and he jolts me back to life demanding an answer. All I can think of is, “You wouldn’t be able to kiss if you didn’t have lips”. He buys it.

We get to school, AB and SL chase a girl and call her a poo, little girl tells me they are calling her a poo so I tell them off.  I chuckle as I think of the silliness of calling someone a poo. Little girl runs to her mummy, her mummy gives me a frown. The bell goes, kids line up, kiss from me for SL, kiss from SL to AB, which takes ages as she can’t reach…

Where’s SL’s lunchbox?!  Aaaaaaaaaah! I forgot it – it’s up high!

Back to the car, AB wants carrying and refuses to walk. Arrive back home, pick up lunchbox, drive to childminder’s, drop off AB.  Drive to station, change shoes, run for tube, DEEP BREATH aaaaaand… RELAX!

Now I’m on my way to work and I am already exhausted and disturbed by images of people with no lips.