The end of an affair


LeoIt seemed like I used to spend my life in Sainsbury’s. Every night after work I would slither over to the orange sign, slip through the doorway furtively, and ogle the sprouts.

It got to the point that I was spending so much time in there that the wife demanded to know who this ‘Sainsbury’s’ woman was that seemed to be taking up so much time every evening.

The truth is that I loathe trundling around the supermarkets. In themselves they are not terrible places but, rather, I hate the effect they have on me. Invariably, I would walk in hungry and come out with far too many Smartie cakes than any adult man should ever have the right to possess. Oh, and the three packets of chicken for £10 (actually quite a good deal really) and those humongous bottles of Persil non-bio that were practically half-price (again, a reasonable offer in my book).

I know in my heart-of-hearts the reality behind supermarket offers: They price something at a higher cost for a few weeks so they can subsequently present it at a ‘cut-down’ rate… Even knowing this I still say to myself, “OMG! Look at the fantabulous offer they’ve got on Toilet Duck!”

So, I realised that I had to do something before my wife left me over the affair I was having with Carol on checkout five. Ok, I wasn’t actually having an affair with another human being but the wife was getting suspicious when I started muttering in my sleep about unexpected items in my bagging area.

The way out of this was with a spread sheet. Yes, you read that correctly… An Excel spread sheet. Oh, and Sainsbury’s home delivery service will have to take some credit, I suppose.

The trick to this is to spend a bit of time planning what meals you are going to have in the week and from there listing all the ingredients required. Getting it all started is the biggest faff but once you’ve built up a bank of recipes that the family are keen on it gets easier and pays off in the long run.

Not only has this revolutionised my time (I spend a maximum of an hour sorting out the meal selection and shopping list for the week and ordering online as opposed to taking up at least half an hour a day trawling around the aisles) it has also saved me money. How you may ask? Well, let me ask a question back.

supermarket shoppingHow many times have you gone food shopping and come out with (a) more than you need, (b) stuff you don’t want or already have in the cupboards because you didn’t check before you left, and (c) things, or part of things, that you know in your heart of hearts are going to end up in the bin? Online shopping negates this, unless of course you are the kind of weirdo whose mental taste buds get excited by two-dimensional images brought to you via the internet.

So, from now on, dear reader, you can rest assured that I will no longer be spending time with the ‘other woman’. It’s safe to say that my wife can relax knowing that no more shall I be making excuses to slip off to the shops, scan in my shopping, waiting only for a red light to flash and a bored teenager who is almost half my age to authorise my purchase of a bottle of Blue Nun.